I Let It Go!

My "secret" to how I've truly been able to lose this weight for good. 

Hint: It has nothing and everything to do with food!

I'm a firm believer of disordered thinking = disordered eating.

Stress, worry, anxiety, anger, hurt, sadness, loss of hope, fear. Any of these feelings sound familiar when you are about to binge on some ice cream or cookie dough? Until I learned to "let it go" I would comfort myself with brownies, cookie dough, candy, chips, cake, or whatever. I don't remember even one time that when I was overeating that it was sheerly because I was hungry and I sure as heck didn't stop when I was full. I kept going until my heart was racing and just couldn't hold anymore in. Then comes the guilt and negative thoughts of what I had just done ON TOP of what was bothering me in the very first place. Not such a great idea to self medicate with binging huh. Yet, I would do it all again as soon as I felt remotely empty.

I had an "ah-ha" moment in the latter part of 2015. That year my Dad had a massive heart attack which rocked our world and then just a couple of months later one of my friends, who is a few years younger than I am, died suddenly leaving behind little 3 kids and a husband. I and two of other women were at her house watching the kids when the call came in that she didn't make it. I had a stressful calling as Relief Society president where while I had some friendly support I also had people coming out of the woodwork nitpicking and causing conflict. I had some people in my life who decided when they would be friendly and when they wouldn't be with me. It felt like whiplash. All these things hurt bad. There were other things that happened that year...and previous years too.

By the end of 2015 I was the heaviest that I've ever been in my life. In December I had reflected on what all went on during the year and my adult life in general. Even though a lot of things were hurtful they also taught me A LOT. I know that Heavenly Father never stopped loving me (or them) through everything. I handled some things great and other things not so great. In every instance I medicated with food.

I realized that over the past 15 years I had been self medicating along with collecting things, emotional baggage if you will, in my backpack. Carrying that load was a burden and it was UNNECESSARY.

I decided on December 24, 2015 that enough was enough. I would take my life back and make it how I KNOW it should be. I told Ed that I was giving myself a special Christmas gift. The gift of health. On December 26th I started that journey and haven't looked back. Is life perfect now? HECK NO. Just a month after that "gift" John Arlie cut his face bad enough to need emergency plastic surgery. Did I medicate with food? Nope. Not that time! Have I had little slips throughout the year of emotional eating? Yes. I'm a work in progress. Did I ever give up? NO. and I never will. I no longer binge.

It takes time to throw all that nasty baggage out of your backpack but with God's help you can do this! I can testify to you that if you will throw the trash thoughts out and stop victimizing yourself, instead start filling your backpack with hope, love, faith, empowerment, forgiveness, a positive attitude, joy, care, understanding, calmness, and putting the Lord first and follow His lead, you WILL find the peace that you are seeking out. The binging will stop. You will find yourself again.

When you trip and fall in this life, because honeychild you and I both will multiple times, you will have the necessary tools in your backpack to be able dust yourself off and keep trekking. The tools and lifeline are out there for the taking. In a nutshell It's called the Atonement. The Lord will ALWAYS be there for you and will always light the way when you are in even most darkest of tunnels. YOU are worth saving from self destruction. YOU are a child of God. NO ONE can take that gift away from you.